Sure, you’re good at walking across a crowded room and introducing yourself to a girl to get her attention. But do you ever feel after a few minutes that you’ve run out of things to talk about? Or maybe you’ve just gotten up the courage to talk to the girl of your dreams, but you feel completely tongue-tied and awkward once the conversation gets going. Whether you’re outgoing or shy, you can keep the conversation flowing with a girl once you start it by following some of the tips in this article.
StepsTips and Warnings
Keeping a Conversation Flowing
Start things off to invite her to talk. Pay attention to the scenario, and mold your invitation to the circumstances. Don’t, for example, ask her a random astronomy question when she’s shopping for shoes. Here are a different ways to accomplish this:
If you want to strike up a conversation with a girl you don’t know, try making a recommendation. For example, if you see a beautiful girl at a coffee shop, and she looks undecided about her order, then recommend your favorite drink or tell her that you’re going to guess exactly what she wants just by looking at her.
When you already know the girl, start with some common ground. If you’re in school together, then make a comment about classes or talk about your extracurriculars. If you’re working together, then start a chat about some workplace news, or ask for her help with something that you’re working on.
Ask her for a minor favor. For example, ask her to watch your stuff (like your phone) while you go get her something to drink. Girls will feel more invested in you if they’ve done a favor for you.
Pay her a compliment. If she looks great that day or if she said something amazing during class, then tell her so. Compliment her hair, or her smile, or her dress. Stay away from her more feminine features. Make sure your compliment is genuine and not phony.
Ask her some questions. You want to show her that you’re interested in her while at the same time deciding whether she’s really worth your interest. A great question will make her think, laugh, and like you, all at the same time.
Avoid “yes” and “no” questions. A question like, “Did you like the new movie that came out this weekend?” will get you either a “yes” or a “no” but may not launch a meaningful conversation. Instead, ask her what other movies she’s seen and why she likes them. This type of question will get a much longer answer from her.
Girls often like guys to make the first move. Instead of waiting for her to ask you questions, be proactive and do the asking first. Once she’s answered your question, nod and then provide your own perspective. You want a balanced conversation in which you find out what she’s all about while also sharing parts of yourself.
Find out what she’s passionate about. If you like this girl, then chances are you find something about her really fascinating. Ask her why she likes what she likes, or why she thinks what she thinks. Ask her something that you genuinely want to learn more about instead of asking questions just to get her to talk. If you’re insincere, she’ll know, and your conversation will be dead in the water.
People love to talk about themselves. If you find out what she’s passionate about, the conversation will go naturally and easily. This is the easiest way to build a connection.
Make yourself look good throughout the conversation. You want to find out as much as you can about her, but you also want to make sure that you show yourself at your best.
Talk about a subject that makes you feel passionate and persuasive. When you’re talking about something really positive, you’re going to be at your best. If you’re passionate about music, then talk about your favorite bands. If you have something that you love to do, then talk about it with her.
Make sure that you give her equal time. You definitely want to share something about yourself, but if you only talk about you, she’s going to think you’re self-centered, and she’s not going to talk to you.
Don’t offer opinions about subjects you know nothing about. Your goal is to impress the girl with your wit, your conversation, and your intelligence. If you blather about something you’re opinionated but uninformed about, you won’t come off as very intelligent.
Accept pauses. You’re not going to be able to think of something to say at every point during the conversation, and that’s completely okay. Pauses are a natural part of conversation. Get her comfortable with the idea of pauses by using pauses or deliberations sparingly in your own speech.
Smile at her, take a sip from your drink or look around the room until you come up with something new to say. As long as you seem confident and interested, she’ll wait with a lot of anticipation for the next step in the conversation. If you look nervous or stare at your feet, then she’ll feel uncomfortable, and she’s likely to say “see you later.”
Use pauses throughout the conversation. When you pause, look as though you are carefully considering what you want to say. She’ll be invested in trying to find out what you’re going to say next, and she may feel compelled to fill the silence with her own conversation.
People’s rate of speech naturally synchronizes when they’re talking. That means that people unconsciously mimic how quickly the other person is talking. So if you talk slowly, she’ll talk slowly, and the conversation will last longer. The secret to talking slowly is being confident, not nervous.
Think of the pauses as her chance to impress you. Don’t feel like you need to generate topic after topic for conversation. During the pause, you want to silently invite her to take the initiative. If she does, then you’ll know that she’s enjoying talking to you.
Keep the conversation light. Don’t delve into any controversial subjects or anything that she may find uncomfortable. Also, don’t gossip about other people, because she may think that you’re not genuinely nice.
Use your sense of humor. Don’t dive in with a really off-color joke or something that could be shocking to her. Keep it light and test the waters before you say anything that she might think is mean or offensive.
Practice funny stories. More than simply jokes, people love hearing stories about funny things that happened to you. So keep track of funny or entertaining things that happened to you and rehearse the story you want to tell with friends.
Know your pop culture. Keep up on the latest celebrity news and what’s new in movies and music. When you know what’s going on out there, you’ll always have something light to talk about. Plus, you might just impress her with the number of things that you know.
Focus on body language. For yourself, use great eye contact, sit up straight and smile warmly. When you do these things, she’ll feel as though you’re focused on her.
Watch the way she uses her body. If she makes eye contact with you, lightly touches your arm or leans in toward you while you’re talking, then you can feel confident that she’s into you.
Make sure you’re projecting good body language, too. Don’t cross your arms, tap your feet, sigh or groan audibly. All these tics are signs that you’re bored or dissatisfied with her.
If she’s constantly looking away, fiddling with her drink or her jewelry or looking like she can’t wait to escape, then you may be losing her interest. You can try saying something like, “Are you having a bad day? You look like you’re a million miles away.” Or, if the conversation hasn’t been all that interesting to begin with, just politely say, “Nice talking to you” and walk away.
Keep the attention always on her. Let her know that you think she’s important. Don’t be cagey about turning the spotlight on you, but focus it mainly on her.
Turn off your cell phone while you’re having a conversation with a girl. If you go outside to take a call, you may come back and find that she’s moved on.
If you run into friends, introduce your friends to her but remain focused on your conversation. Try to send nonverbal signals to your friends letting them know that they need to talk to you another time.
End on a good note if she tells you that she has to leave. Tell her that you enjoyed talking to her and getting to know her. If you felt a real connection to her, ask for her phone number. The next morning, send her a text saying that you had a great time, and wish her a good day. You might get a second chance at continuing that initial conversation if she texts you back.
A good rule of thumb is to wait a least a day before you call her, especially if you approached her as a stranger. You don’t want her to think you’re too forward, and you don’t want to appear too needy. Delay for a day.
When you call her, keep things short and sweet. Unless she’s really enjoying the conversation, simply ask her if she’d want to see a movie or go out for coffee and leave it at that. You want to impress her in person, where you can do better damage-control if something goes wrong.
Keep it low key until you know that she really likes you. She may feel a bit weird if you’re pushing really hard and she’s not, so try to get a good balance going. And at all times, keep the conversation flowing